Rally Toward Resilience

What is resilience? Why are some people more resilient than others? These are questions I have been pondering as of late. I decided to first look at the definition of resilience:  “able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions”

Actually, I like this other definition better because it gives me a better visual: “able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.”

Many of my patients express this “being compressed” as debilitation due to major depression. However, being compressed by life events does not necessarily mean depression. All of us experience distress, disappointment and discouragement in life (the 3 “d” words). It is one of those facts of life that frankly stinks. None of us want to experience pain, sorrow or the 3 “d” words; but we all do. The question now is how do we handle these “compression” moments?

I have pondered a few questions. One is that I wonder whether resilient people have an  optimistic personality? If you are an optimist, does that mean you are able to see hope easier? The other question is whether people who have a stubborn streak are more resilient? In other words, stubborn people are not going to allow the 3 “d” words to knock them down. Is it a combination of these?

Many people would consider me as resilient. I am, but it is a process. I rail against the disappointment, distress and discouragement. Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball, most of the time I want to run away, all of the time I process it as long as I need to, challenge the irrationality of it all, and move forward. Why? Because frankly I cannot tolerate the negative emotions! By the way, I am also stubborn and an eternal optimist!

Whether a personality has a resilient “trait” doesn’t matter. What matters is that anyone can learn how to be more resilient if they work on their Interpersonal Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills. In other words, we can allow our negative emotions and thoughts to take over when we are “bent, stretched and compressed”, or we can challenge those negative thoughts, come up with calmer ones and help ourselves bounce back from what is defeating us in a speedy fashion. It is only through calming those negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings. Create rational, calm thoughts and your emotions (feelings) will become calmer and rational. This is the most effective way to become increase your resilience during personal storms.

Health, happiness and rationality to you this holiday season!

Bonnie Lillis, LPC

Clinical Director/NECBT