I was talking with a patient yesterday who has experienced
some broken relationships and I wanted to give him encouragement through the
use of personal wisdom I have gained….sometimes the hard way! My holiday gift
to all of you who are reading this blog is to share some of these tips.
·
Find purpose, meaning, connection and
transcendence in your life.
Did you know that this is the true
meaning of spirituality? Many people equate spirituality with religion.
However, you can be spiritual without religion. Remember, spirituality is
purpose, meaning, connection and what you personally decide that which is
bigger than you. If you can find all of these, life can be gentler and kinder as
well as more fulfilling.
·
Compromise without compromising your principles.
Try to see the other’s point of
view and try to meet in the middle – unless it compromises your core values.
·
Practice daily gratitude even when you don’t
feel grateful.
There is always something to be
grateful for – can you see today? Can you hear music? Can you walk, run,
breath? Practicing gratitude provides hope when you feel hopeless.
·
Forgive often.
Do not get caught up in the belief
that forgiveness means letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is
for you! If you are able to forgive, you are able to let go of the negative,
bitter feelings. Not easy, but so well worth it.
·
People will disappoint.
Many times our expectations will
exceed what others can or are willing to do. This will cause disappointment.
Practice acceptance of this, grieve it if need be and move forward from it.
This is important to do for healthy relationships as well as for your own peace
of mind.
·
Along the theme of forgiveness and
disappointment – This Too Shall Pass!
Frequently we get caught up in our
negative emotions and cannot see that there is something good around the
corner. Practice challenging your negative thoughts to help yourself feel
better by telling yourself that this bump in the road is temporary.
·
Love as much as you can – then love more!
If you do this then you will find
the love you are looking for whether it is for yourself (love within), for
others (love without) and/or with your personal spirituality – hopefully you
will find all three.
·
Have a voice and stand up for what you believe
is right.
Appropriate assertiveness is
important as you will have more of a chance to get your needs met. Speak even
if you don’t “feel” listened to. If you do not express your thoughts and
feelings appropriately, the negativity will fester and you will become
embittered. Even if your needs are not met in the manner you wish, at least you
had a voice.
·
Work hard toward your goals.
Give 100% at work, at school or
whatever you are doing and you will experience personal satisfaction and self
worth in a job well done.
·
Avoid judgment.
Judgment of others is really just
being arrogant. We are all broken and faltered – no one is perfect. At the same
time, do not worry about others’ judgment of you. This is wasted energy and
does not create anything positive in your life. Remember that we are all “works
in progress” and if we are doing the best we can then that is all that is
expected.
·
Turn your pain into something positive.
Frequently there are lessons to
learn when we experience painful circumstances which can be turned into
positive. I have learned much compassion through my own painful experiences and
now have much meaning and purpose in helping others. Try to figure out what you
can learn and challenge the negativity you feel. This can be used for good, is
a great way to calm yourself as well as provide inner healing.
·
Show compassion and empathy.
Empathy is “feeling with people”. Be there for others when they need it most.
This has created the most healing in my life. Even if others are not there for
me, I will continue to provide it to others. I receive a gift to my spirit
whenever I show compassion and empathy to others. This is very precious.
My goodness, my list turned out to be much bigger than I
anticipated. My hope is that if you can take one tip on this list and find
encouragement, then I am grateful.
Peace, joy and the gift of rationality to all of you in this
holiday season!
Bonnie Lillis, LPC
Clinical Director, NECBT
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