Friday, June 24, 2016

5 Ways to Rediscover Joy

Dreams are strange. I have not studied dream interpretation but do find dreams to be fascinating. I generally do not remember my own; but when I do, I pay close attention. This week I had two memorable dreams. The first was actually a nightmare that included terrorism. The second was about a patient that came into my office (never saw this person before) and she said to me, “I’m too serious all the time”. She wanted to find out how to get her joy for life back. My response is inspired by both of these dreams. How do you get less serious and find joy?

1.      Turn off the news – Yes, I realize that it is important to know what is going on in the world but when we are bombarded over and over again with negativity and bad news it can have a disturbing impact on us. There seems to be no good news, which inspires hope, to balance the bad. Negativity breeds negativity and when terrible events in our country and world are replayed over and over, it can bring on a sense of angst, anger and fear. What also happens is one of our Mental Mishaps (general irrationalizations), Generalization. This means when something negative has happened, sometimes we believe it will keep happening even if it hasn’t happened to us. I have patients who are not living fully by deciding not to do things even if the possibility of something negative happening is so remote. Imagine the good things they may be missing because of their fear. Fear may eliminate the possibility of joy.

2.      Go outside – Yes, spend time in nature. Go to a state park, national park, botanical garden, beach or wherever you can find some beautiful nature to see, smell and feel. Beauty in nature can take you outside of yourself, remind you of how beautiful life on this world can be and distract you from negativity. Nature can build joy.

3.      Endeavor to take yourself less seriously – Oh boy, there are so many ways we do this. The most common way is with negative self-talk. Why do we beat up on ourselves so viciously? Try to be more empathetic to yourself. Be kind to your mind by changing your negative thoughts through I-CBT and you will feel more joy.

4.      Resolve conflict - Another way that we take ourselves seriously is through our righteous indignation. You know, when we feel we are right or have been wronged and no one can tell us any different….wow, does that sap some joy. That is the time to assertively and diplomatically start a conversation toward resolution. Then try to let some of that indignation go and move forward. Forgiveness can give you more peace which can lead to the possibility of joy.

5.      Do something for others – It is wonderful when you decide to do something for someone else and receive the unexpected benefit of feeling really good inside! Reach out to others in some way. It doesn’t take much; random acts of kindness are easy. Volunteer or even just talk in a friendly manner to the person waiting in line. It just may brighten the day for both of you.

Some of these actions are easy while others are hard. The point is that the more we allow situations, things or people to have the power to steal our joy, the less joy we will feel. Remember the first Cognitive Emotive Rule: It is not people, situations or things that make us feel bad, it is what we think about people, situations and things. Change your thinking and choose joy!


Bonnie Lillis, LPC

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