Tips for Parents who have Children Diagnosed with ADHD

Any parent who has a child that has been diagnosed with ADHD can use help managing their lives! The following tips may offer assistance:

STRUCTURE - Children with ADHD need structure to function successfully.

• Providing meals, bath, homework and bedtime as closely as possible at the same time every day can be helpful.
• These kids also benefit by doing their homework in the same place every day.
• Allowing them to do something physical after school instead of sitting down immediately to start their homework can help them to focus.
• Having them break down their work into small manageable “bites” can often be the answer to decreasing their sense of being overwhelmed.
• Giving them 25-30 minute increments for homework or tasks then a 5-10 minute break can also be very effective.
• At home you need to check their homework and ensure they have put it into their book bag. Often they will have completed their homework but forget to turn it in. They will need your patience and your help to stay organized as this is often very challenging for them. Providing a check list for chores, routines and homework can also help your child improve their organization.

PREDICTABILITY- ADHD children need predictability or they tend to get anxious, antsy or act out.

TRANSITIONS - Transitions can be difficult. To decrease their anxiety, provide them with a simple, succinct explanation ahead of time and rehearse the transition with them when appropriate.

BRIEF EXPLANATIONS - Keep your words brief. When our explanations are too long, these kids will often tune out as it is difficult for them to continue concentrating. They often are uncomfortable admitting this at home and school. This leads to moving forward with insufficient information, thus leading to trouble.

HELP WITH SHORT-TERM MEMORY - Most people don’t understand that ADHD kids may have short-term memory problems – you may think that they are not listening but they really are! This is why they don’t recall the directions. What will increase their success is giving them no more than 2 step directions and showing them exactly what you want to do. They learn visually so it is helpful for them to have a picture of the activity. Check off lists can also be helpful with pictures for children who are younger.

RELAXATION - ADHD children frequently act impulsively. They need you to help them slow down, take some deep breaths and look at the consequences of their behavior before just plunging in.  Since they can be anxious it is helpful to teach them relaxation skills:

·         Deep breathing (slowly)

·         Give the whole family the opportunity to have a “calm half hour” when no one talks, no electronics, and everyone does something quietly. This teaches them it is okay to not always be on the go; and relaxation actually feels good!

·         Recognize when your child may be over-stimulated.  

·         Planning less activities in a row or introducing calming activities can go a long way to help your child self regulate.

·         Help your child find some activities that are self soothing is also important.

NOTICE WHAT THEY DO WELL - As with all children, it’s important to notice when they are doing things well and to provide an enthusiastic response.  Children with ADHD often develop a poor sense of self-esteem as adults are correcting them quite a bit. They often feel that they can do nothing right (“Lower your voice, can’t you settle down? Why do you always have to be moving? Why aren’t you paying attention to me? Why can’t you ever do your homework without a scene?”).

COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY - Sometimes therapy can help them to develop a greater belief in themselves as well as provide support to parents who are often feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a key component to your child’s success as it helps them learn that what they think determines how they feel. Learning how to challenge their thoughts can give them an invaluable tool for handling their emotions. Since impatience is often a product of having ADHD, many children can benefit by learning good anger management skills which help them in developing healthy relations and self-control.

HELP THEM TO LEARN HOW TO DO OTHER THINGS WELL - Creating a behavior program where two behaviors are targeted and the child earns a point for each time the target behavior is executed is essential. These points lead up to a reward which increases their incentive to change their behavior. Rewards can be material, extra time with you, choosing what they will have for dinner, staying up later, or having a friend over are a few suggestions. It is essential to ignore the behavior you do not want and reinforce the behavior you do want enthusiastically!

HELP THEM LEARN GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS - In addition, they can use some assistance with social skills. They tend to interrupt peers when they are talking – they are sometimes concerned that they will forget what they want to say! They may need your help in understanding how they represent themselves to others. Rehearsing effective communication, friendship skills, how to handle being bullied, manners and how to decrease their impulsivity, etc., is a way for your child to feel more confident. Help your child to be able to pick out their strengths and state them to themselves often. This helps them to develop positive self-talk.

MOVEMENT IS KEY - Children with ADHD sometimes learn kinesthetically which means they like motion. When their body is occupied it is easier for them to focus (for example, chewing gum, squeezing a squishy ball, using clay, swinging their foot back and forth, etc.).  They require a lot of physical exercise which helps them to ground their energy, decrease overstimulation and hyperactivity. Getting a mini trampoline works well when they need to get their energy out when the weather is inclement. If enrolling them in sports, they do best in a sport such as soccer, hockey, or lacrosse which has continuous movement. Playing baseball may be more difficult as it may be difficult for them to wait their turn.

ADVOCATE FOR THEM IN SCHOOL - Parents play a very crucial role as their child’s advocate in the school system. When your child is diagnosed with ADHD they are entitled to modifications at school which enhances their ability to learn. The law that provides them with the right to modifications is called “The American Disabilities Act” (ADA). Unless they have any learning disabilities they are not qualified as “Special Ed” but rather “Other Health Impaired” under what is called a “504 plan”. Schools will rarely tell you about this option unless you bring it up. Possible modifications:

• Taking tests in a room other than the classroom so there will be fewer distractions
• Getting more time to take a test since their attention may wander. This can also provide them some extra time to check their work as they often rush through to finish, increasing their chances to make careless mistakes.
• They can check in with the school social worker/psychologist at the beginning and the end of the day to process any problems that may have come up.
• They can be allowed to chew gum, use a squishy ball, have a wiggle seat, get up for a sensory break, leave the room for a stretch break or drink of water, bring papers to the office for a teacher, have a classroom job and have the teacher give them a subtle cue when they are off task.

After school activities that allow for expending energy and making friendships are pivotal to their success.

MEDICATION? - You may want to consider options to treat the child’s ADHD with medication. You will need to consult with a good Child Psychiatrist. After the diagnosis is made it is often permissible to obtain the medication from your primary care physician. However, a mental health professional is required to diagnose your child.

Children with ADHD have many gifts such as well developed intuition, sensitivity, creativity, intellectual prowess and unique ways of looking at the world. They can teach us a great deal from their perspective!

Andrea Schear, LCSW