Dreams
are strange. I have not studied dream interpretation but do find dreams to be
fascinating. I generally do not remember my own; but when I do, I pay close
attention. This week I had two memorable dreams. The first was actually a
nightmare that included terrorism. The second was about a patient that came
into my office (never saw this person before) and she said to me, “I’m too
serious all the time”. She wanted to find out how to get her joy for life back.
My response is inspired by both of these dreams. How do you get less serious
and find joy?
1.
Turn
off the news – Yes, I realize that it is important to know
what is going on in the world but when we are bombarded over and over again
with negativity and bad news it can have a disturbing impact on us. There seems
to be no good news, which inspires hope, to balance the bad. Negativity breeds
negativity and when terrible events in our country and world are replayed over
and over, it can bring on a sense of angst, anger and fear. What also happens
is one of our Mental Mishaps (general irrationalizations), Generalization. This
means when something negative has happened, sometimes we believe it will keep
happening even if it hasn’t happened to us. I have patients who are not living
fully by deciding not to do things even if the possibility of something
negative happening is so remote. Imagine the good things they may be missing
because of their fear. Fear may eliminate the possibility of joy.
2.
Go
outside – Yes, spend time in nature. Go to a state park, national park,
botanical garden, beach or wherever you can find some beautiful nature to see,
smell and feel. Beauty in nature can take you outside of yourself, remind you
of how beautiful life on this world can be and distract you from negativity. Nature
can build joy.
3.
Endeavor
to take yourself less seriously – Oh boy, there are so many
ways we do this. The most common way is with negative self-talk. Why do we beat
up on ourselves so viciously? Try to be more empathetic to yourself. Be kind
to your mind by changing your negative thoughts through I-CBT and you will feel
more joy.
4.
Resolve
conflict - Another way that we take ourselves seriously is through
our righteous indignation. You know, when we feel we are right or have been
wronged and no one can tell us any different….wow, does that sap some joy. That
is the time to assertively and diplomatically start a conversation toward
resolution. Then try to let some of that indignation go and move forward. Forgiveness
can give you more peace which can lead to the possibility of joy.
5.
Do
something for others – It is wonderful when you decide to do
something for someone else and receive the unexpected benefit of feeling really
good inside! Reach out to others in some way. It doesn’t take much; random acts
of kindness are easy. Volunteer or even just talk in a friendly manner to the
person waiting in line. It just may brighten the day for both of you.
Some of these actions are easy while others are hard. The
point is that the more we allow situations, things or people to have the power
to steal our joy, the less joy we will feel. Remember the first Cognitive
Emotive Rule: It is not people, situations or things that make us feel bad, it
is what we think about people, situations and things. Change your
thinking and choose joy!
Bonnie
Lillis, LPC
