I was reminded of this phrase today. How many of you have
said this?
I can’t ask her out until….
I can’t travel until….
I can’t go to… until…
I can’t put on a bathing suit until …..(yep, spring is here
and we women are thinking of the dreaded bathing suits!)
I actually hear this frequently at NECBT. It is what we call
a Mental Mishap (general irrationalization) – “Confusing Can’t with Don’t Want
To”. Now, I am not saying that every instance of “I can’t” is irrational. An
example of this is: I can’t run a mile in 3 minutes; at least not unless I
start running now and gradually raise my speed. In truth, I probably would have
a heart attack if I tried doing this without starting off slow!
So,…. personal story time. In my mid-40s my children were in
middle school or maybe high school. All my adult life I worked as an
Administrative Assistant. When I was working as an Office Manager for a group
of Psychotherapists, I started to think about going back to school to become a
counselor. When I was a teenager I only went to college for a year and over the
years I took courses here and there. I had a great deal of education to
complete to accomplish this goal. Here was my thought process:
I can’t do this – how are we going to help our boys with
their college expenses?
I can’t even think of doing this until my boys are out of
school.
I can’t do this – I would be bankrupting our measly
retirement funds.
I can’t do this – I am too old!
I can’t do this – I’m afraid I’m not smart enough!
I can go on and on. What other people in my life were able to tell me was
that all of these things were excuses. Some were reasonable concerns but
none-the-less, excuses. So, I stopped
allowing my thinking from preventing myself from doing what I felt led to do.
I finished my Bachelor degree in my 40s and my Master degree
in my 50s. I have had the unbelievable experience of helping others since then.
My spirit is fed on a daily basis and I have new purpose and meaning in my
life. If I had allowed my “I can’ts” to prevent me, I would not be doing what I
love today.
Think about some of these others who did not prevent mental
illness from living their purpose – they said “I Can!” in spite of this.
Buzz Aldrin – Astronaut – Second man to walk on the moon –
Depression
Adam Ant – Performer – Bipolar Disorder
Beethoven – Composer – Believed to have Bipolar Disorder
Drew Carey and Jim Carrey – Comedians – Depression
Winston Churchill – Prime Minister of England –
Bipolar
Ernest Hemingway – Author - Depression
Billy Joel – Singer, Songwriter, Composer, Pianist –
Depression
Winona Ryder – Panic Attacks
Howie Mandell – Comedian – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Abraham Lincoln – President of the United States – Depression
How about you? Are you saying “I Can’t” to something you
desire? Are you preventing your dreams from coming true? I encourage you: Do not
let life pass by through the use of the irrational I Can’ts! You Can!
Bonnie Lillis, LPC
Clinical Director, NECBT
